i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
