3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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