Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
