the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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