I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
