dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
