Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
PANTIES FOUND
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