My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
