Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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