Your face is a jimmy john
oh god the rape fog is back!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
