arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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