Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
