and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
