Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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