atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
