you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize