I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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