Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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