Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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