Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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