I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
