I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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