Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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