Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
