based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
