I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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