thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
