I could have mohawked her pubes.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
