is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
