she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
