I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize