I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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