HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
