You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
