This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
