make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
