like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize