I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
