Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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