I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The uberlube is also flammable
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
