my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
