YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
