Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize