I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I still have a little drunk in my system
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
