...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
