I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she looked like the before picture.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize