So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize