why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
