Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
