two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
