meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
