Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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