I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
