Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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