I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
