I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
