So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
