My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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