New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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