YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think my nap took me to another dimension
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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