I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
