one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
