I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
