You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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