his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize