you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
