Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
