Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I deserve this hangover.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
