no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
