I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
