im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
