ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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