I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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