I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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