wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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