i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
