Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
