I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm determined to sit on that face.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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