yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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