Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
