Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
