i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
