That's when you crack a 10am beer
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
