"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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