So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
