I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
