So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
