the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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