I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
