I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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