my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize