Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
