I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
