I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
