Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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